Monday Morning Manna: Should You Care What People Say About You?

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Now the queen by reason of the words of the king and his lords came into the banquet house: and the queen spake and said, O king, live for ever: let not thy thoughts trouble thee, nor let thy countenance be changed:

There is a man in thy kingdom, in whom is the spirit of the holy gods; and in the days of thy father light and understanding and wisdom, like the wisdom of the gods, was found in him; whom the king Nebuchadnezzar thy father, the king, I say, thy father, made master of the magicians, astrologers, Chaldeans, and soothsayers;

Forasmuch as an excellent spirit, and knowledge, and understanding, interpreting of dreams, and shewing of hard sentences, and dissolving of doubts, were found in the same Daniel, whom the king named Belteshazzar: now let Daniel be called, and he will shew the interpretation.” — Daniel 5:10-12 KJV

“I really don’t care what people think about me.”

Or when frustrated, it’s: “well, they can say what they want… as long as I know the truth.” Or the defensive line: “they don’t know me anyway.” Or the sassy line: “no matter what you do, people will always have something to say. I can’t waste my time and energy worrying about that; I have things to do! They don’t pay my bills!

Most of us are taught at an early age not to worry about what people say about us, and the truth is, you’ll drive yourself nuts trying to correct misperceptions and wrong impressions. But too often, we use that as an excuse to continue poor behavior and attitudes, and while there is value in not obsessing over what unreasonable people say, we must be cautious not to disregard and dismiss the importance of maintaining a good reputation – whether in our families, at work, at school, in ministry, at church, in social networks online and offline, and everywhere else.

Why should I care?

The Bible has a lot to say about the value of a good reputation. In Acts 16, we learn that Timothy had a good reputation, which probably played a part in Paul’s decision to bring him along on his missionary journey. In I Peter 2, believers in exile are admonished to take special care to conduct themselves properly in front of the Gentiles so that even when their names were slandered, their good behavior would testify for them. He then said that their righteous conduct would “silence (muzzle, gag) the ignorant charges and ill-informed criticisms of foolish persons” (I Peter 2:15 AMP). In other words, Peter was saying that your behavior can change what people say about you.

Several hundred years earlier, Daniel had already proven this to be true.

When Daniel and his friends were taken captive into Babylon, they must have already had a reputation for being “skillful in all wisdom, discernment, and understanding, apt in learning knowledge, competent” (Dan. 1:4 AMP) since they were selected to be a part of the king’s special training program. Even in adverse conditions, Daniel was determined to maintain his integrity by refusing to adapt to the Babylonian cultures, traditions and norms – even when his life depended on it. But over time, by demonstrating character, competence, commitment and the courage of his convictions, Daniel strengthened his reputation even more and it earned him promotion, prestige, and perquisites. More importantly, it earned him additional opportunities to minister. (And we all know that preacher/prophet/musician/singer/workshop instructor who will never get another invitation to minister at our church because of what is attached to his/her name).

In Daniel 6, we find that King Darius named Daniel the first of three presidents, preferred him above the presidents and princes, and planned to set him over the entire realm. This promotion, and the related prestige and perqs were a result of the excellent spirit that was found in Daniel. Daniel was known for his excellence. As we saw in Chapter 5, excellence was attached to his name. It was his reputation. As I said in A Few Things I’ve Learned Along the Way, your name can take you places skills alone can’t.

At the heart of the matter is character, because you can’t really address reputation without addressing character. The longer I live, the more I realize that one of my greatest assets is my name, supported by my character. I don’t run around chasing down rumors to try to correct lies, but I will do everything I can to make sure that my character nullifies any lies or falsehoods attached to my name. After all, a good name is more desirable than great riches (Proverbs 22:1). So my final answer is yes, we should care about what people say about us.

He’s an On-Time God… Yes, He is!

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I love Miss Dottie, but this one isn’t about her…
Raise your hand if you’ve ever busted your behind to get to church, praise team rehearsal, a ministry meeting, or something else… fussing at the kids because they’re moving too slowly, mumbling under your breath because the person you’re picking up wasn’t outside at 10:17 like you asked her to be and then had the nerve to ask you if you could stop at the store so she could get some pantyhose… but through it all, you still managed to screech into a parking space and make it to your seat by 10:45… only to sit there and wait 36 minutes for somebody to take the mic and begin the service.

I don’t know what it is about small churches (or their pastors) that make them think it’s okay to start stuff late. That is so uncool… and it just doesn’t seem to reflect the characteristics of God. No, there’s no hidden commandment that says “Thou shalt start all thine services at the appointed hour and thou shalt end at the appointed hour.” There may not be a scripture, but c’mon seriously… can you picture God saying “make me a sanctuary and I will dwell among you. I’ll meet you there at 11:00a for prayer” and then He strolls in at 11:15? That’s just not God-like. God keeps His word. In fact, He watches over it to make sure it happens the way He said it would. Lateness is not only NOT God-like, it tends to reflect a nonchalant, lackadaisical attitude toward worship and the things of God. The Bible admonishes us to do all things decently and in order, and to excel in everything we do. Starting late (or BEING late) is not “excelling” — it’s doing less than average. It’s failing.

Below average… failure
Beyond the spiritual and moral implications of lateness, it also shows a lack of regard for other people’s time – which is a major no-no in my book. I once sang with a praise team that would only start rehearsal once everyone had arrived — and of course, someone was always late. So I would just have to sit there for half an hour (or more) waiting… I would feel so disrespected. So disregarded. It was as though the leaders and other praise team members felt like my time wasn’t worth much so it was okay for me to sit there and waste it.

And what about the first-time guest who was told your service starts at 11:30, so she arrives at 11:25… and just sits there in the sanctuary… just her and the sound guy… for 20 minutes… sitting uncomfortably, smiling awkwardly, trying not to appear bored, adjusting her pearls, watching the door, checking the big clock hanging in the back… her mind on everything BUT worship, at this point.

A good name is better…
You’ve been there. A friend invites you to a service at a church you’ve never visited before. You ask “do you all start on time?” They say, “well… I wouldn’t rush, you can get there at about 8:15 or so.” The pastor may not know it, but he’s building an image, and everything his church does – good or bad – is a pixel in that image. In their reputation. Their name. Their name.

Tardiness is such a vicious cycle. You can’t start without the people, so you wait for them. They come late, so you start late. If you ask them, they will tell you they come late because you start late. You say: if you come on time, we’ll start on time. They say: if you start on time, we’ll come on time.

You can’t start a service without the people there, can you?
I know some of you are wondering, “how can I fix this? We’ve been starting late for 8 years, you can’t start a service without the people there, can you?

I’m so glad you asked that question; I knew you would. Yes, you can indeed start a service (or a rehearsal, prayer, meeting, class, whatever) without the people there. You want to know how you can fix this? It’s simple: start. on. time. Accept no excuses from yourself or your leaders. Be a person of integrity and one who keeps his word… just like God. Protect your name and image. If you say that service starts at 11:00 and there’s no musician there and not nary member in the pew, YOU start service. YOU open in prayer. YOU sing a song. YOU read announcements… after a while, they will come on time because they will see that you’re starting on time. YOU must set the example, oh fearless leader, and they will follow.

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